Endings

It seeps out in little doses
These little helpings of blackness
Not enough to kill,
Just enough to wound.
Feeling it all at once
Surely would destroy the soul,
But as the healing continues
One wonders
Will I ever really
Be whole?

I have big girl sadness now
I know how the world will turn
I know how we all will end –
With one final moment
To mark the entirety of our lives

But for those of us left behind
The moment never ends
It plays over and over
Seeping little blacknesses
Throughout the still moments of our lives.
I wonder,
When I finally do die
Will not my accumulated sadness surely outweigh
What happiness remains?